A friend recently posed a question on Facebook: How can she remain a well-informed human while protecting her heart from atrocities in the world? Good question! In this crazy, hectic world, how can you be a conscious citizen while maintaining your mental peace?
I’ll tell you what I do. Here are the five choices I make to maintain mental peace every day:
Eschewing television news.
I consider myself to be reasonably well-informed. I know about the Taliban’s recent school attack; about the deaths of Eric Garner, Michael Brown, and Tamir Rice; and about the seemingly inevitable extinction of the white rhino. Yet I didn’t learn about any of these things by watching the television or listening to NPR.
You may laugh, but I learn about most news from Facebook. Then, if I want the detailed story, I turn to a reliable online news source like The Economist.
Television and radio news is entertainment. It’s all about what will get ratings and keep people engaged. That’s too much drama for me. I want the facts, and I want them relayed forthrightly. Reading the news gives me that and saves the screams and tears (and that’s just from the pundits).
Avoiding debate.
I know a lot of opinionated people. Some have well-thought-out opinions; others have strong, semi-informed beliefs. What I’ve found is that almost all of them leap to rather large conclusions about my beliefs based on minor, passing comments.
While doing so is their choice, failing to respond is my choice. In general, I refuse to show up for arguments to which I’ve been invited, especially those in written format on social media.
I enjoy discussing current affairs and politics with someone who can keep a level head and avoid rhetorical fallacies—which means I rarely talk politics with anyone other than my husband—but I never debate people who won’t play fair. Why? Because I don’t believe there’s any point in engaging someone who isn’t listening.
Bottom line here: I choose to be happy versus right. It’s one of the hallmarks of my marriage and, over the past decade, I’ve learned to apply it in many areas of my life.
Changing the conversation.
I grew up in a negative environment. I’ve talked about this before. Taking a negative view of things was so engrained in me that I didn’t even realize it until I attended college and my peers so helpfully pointed it out. It took me a while to really understand what they were saying but, once I got it, I began working on changing my view of the world and looking for a positive slant on situations. Sure, I’ve had setbacks—the lawsuit was a big one—but I’ve made a lot of progress.
Now, when someone in my sphere is complaining, I change the subject to something happier or offer productive solutions to the challenges. No more life-sucks-and-then-you-die, my-world-is-a-mess pity parties for this girl.
Sometimes my new approach works and sometimes it doesn’t. In recent years, I’ve had to say goodbye to a friend who dwelled on how hard life was every time I saw her. But, luckily, as I changed, people around me usually did too.
Scheduling downtime.
I’ve been talking a lot about boundaries lately because I’ve been having to learn to apply them ruthlessly. Many people want far more from me than I can possibly give.
I’m an introvert which means I need far more downtime than my more extraverted friends and, now that I am trying to recover from adrenal fatigue, I need even more than before. As I write this, I literally haven’t seen any of my friends in the past month. I check in with them via Facebook or text message, and I go out with my husband or occasionally to special events, but most of my time these days is spent quietly at home, resting, reading, or writing.
Sure I still have responsibilities and those get done, but I also make sure that I am honoring my needs and giving myself what is required to be calm, happy, and healthy.
Asking for help when I need it.
There are times in our lives when we just can’t do it alone. When those events happen to me, I ask for help. There’s no harm in seeking out assistance when we need it, in whatever form works best for us.
I have asked for an emergency friend visit, asked Brian to go into work late or meet me for coffee, and sought out a professional’s opinion when I’ve had difficult times before. And I’m sure I will do so again.
Humans are social creatures; sometimes we have to get by with a little help from our friends.
Do you have any other tips for maintaining mental peace? Please share in the comments.
Cheers,
Photo Credit: gwilmore via Compfight cc
