Mindfulness During the Holidays + Every Day

As I shared last week, when most people think of being mindful, they think of meditation. That’s only one way to practice mindfulness, however. Being mindful comes down to being aware of the present moment, paying attention to where you are and what choices you are making.

MIndfulness During the Holidays and Every Day

You can be mindful in all aspects of your life, from food and word choices to shopping and social habits. Here are some areas where you can begin to incorporate more mindfulness into your everyday life:

Food

We all have a choice of how we fuel our bodies, whether we choose food that feels as good as it tastes or grab whatever is convenient. We also choose from where we source our nourishment, and how much of it we consume. The alternatives above aren’t shared with judgment; they are simply to remind you how to bring awareness to the choices you’re making.

For more about mindful eating at the holidays and year round, check out Susan Weiss Barry’s 11 Tips for Mindful, Merry, Holiday (Or Any Time) Eating.

Words

Word choice can have a surprisingly potent effect on our feelings. Have you ever noticed that when you criticize yourself or complain during an activity, it feels harder? For years now, I’ve been working on my personal word choice, namely on phrasing things more positively, turning thoughts like, “I don’t want to go out tonight, ” into, “I want to stay in tonight,” to focus my attention on what I do want versus what I don’t.

Recently, though, I noticed that I’d started writing “I’m tired of…” or “I’m sick of…” various things in my journal. That was eye opening because 1) I have some health issues right now and 2) Fatigue is one of the most obvious symptoms. So I wondered: Could my mental dialogue be affecting my health?

I don’t know the science behind this but I do know that, when I changed my words, my energy level changed. I am also taking medication, which of course could be contributing, but I like to think my words also matter. Instead I now write, “I am feeling tired…” to acknowledge that I’m having certain feelings right now, but those aren’t me. My feelings are just one part of me.

For more about word choice and mindfulness, check out Dr. Patricia Fitzgerald’s Reduce Stress and Really Thrive by Bringing Mindfulness to This.

Habits & Schedules

We all have natural tendencies, a way of moving in the world. Take a moment to slow down this holiday season—ok, maybe between Christmas and New Year—to think about the choices you make and the schedule you set. Does your schedule support or deplete you? Is it sustainable? Do you need to get out more or stay in more? Do you need more quiet time or more time with friends?

The end of the year is a wonderful time to assess the past and prepare for the future. Now might also be a good time to add some mindfulness to your habits and schedule. In case you’re already thinking you’re way too busy to do that or that you have no idea where to begin, check out Tracy Miller’s 5 Ways To Be Mindful No Matter How Crazy Your Schedule Is.

Also, I love this article by psychologist Elisha Goldstein about 7 Things Mindful People Do Differently and How to Get Started.

Shopping

Black Friday is right around the corner and retailers are counting on you to blow your cash on the latest and greatest gadget—so that they can operate at a profit.

So, the mindful choice is: Will you or won’t you? Will you head out on Thanksgiving night and reward stores for opening up on a national holiday? Will you buy at big box stores or from your local mom and pop? Do you need to shop at all?

For sustainable shopping ideas, check out Joshua Becker’s thoughts at Becoming Minimalist and Ariane K.’s values-aligned shopping suggestions.

During the Holidays

As we enter the busy holiday season, being mindful becomes even more important and more challenging. Here are a few more folks writing about mindfulness at the holidays:

How are you practicing mindfulness today?

Cheers,

Kate Watson

Photo Credit: khalid almasoud via Compfight cc

Humanity’s Challenge: Embracing Nature [Guest Post]

One never knows what might happen when one speaks out. Little did I know that an innocent interview on one website would lead to numerous other requests. So, here I am with Kate Watson, who kindly invited me to share my passion project, Deep Nature Journeys, with you.

To put it simply, my passion is to provide a path for individuals to quiet their minds, open their hearts, and fall in love with nature all over again, just like all of us did as young children.

Humanity

When asked what prompted me to begin this work, my only response has to be my entire life’s journey and all the unpredictable twists and turns, detours through unimaginable encounters with unexpected events, people and places (far too many to mention) that have brought me to this moment. If everyone were totally honest, this would be true for all of us.

In a world where the Oxford English Language Dictionary declares “selfie” as the word of the year, our culture has apparently elevated the importance of the self to new heights. The whole concept of the “separate self,” that superhero/triumphant individual has long been on my mind. I continue to question the validity of putting the self above all else.

It’s not easy to say why I’ve been living with this inquiry. For now, let’s attribute my concerns to the following proverb: “If we don’t change our direction, we’re likely to end up where we’re headed.” My fascination with the condition of humanity and nature may be as simple as my experience that it flat out feels better to be part of an aligned group of people sharing common concerns about the well-being of the whole.

One can only wonder what this year’s word will be. How about dignity, tenderness, reverence or even compassion?

Extending kindness and caring to all that is human and everything non-human, combined with the ideology to honor the value of community above and beyond the individual is the missing ingredient in our social and economic relationships. The drive for endless growth and limitless consumption is systematically threatening our future.

The obsessive focus on “self” combined with our perception of separation may well be the root cause of our imbalance with the natural world. In my observation, embodying reverence for all the sacred elements is the path of compassionate behavior that inspires an individual to prioritize the well-being of the whole.

Deep Nature Journey participants

Deep Nature Journey participants

Embracing the ecological truth of the interconnected and interdependent nature of the universe is an essential next step for humanity. This level of awareness and action is the fundamental foundation of a civilized society that functions in balance and harmony with self, one another and the Earth.

The question arises, how do we accomplish this? Deep Nature Journeys is designed to offer at least one path to support this transformation of society. Alone time in nature with no reading, no writing, no fire, no cell phones, no distractions.  Just you and your deepest true nature surrounded by the beauty and stillness of the wild.

There is so much more to be said about the healing power of nature to relieve stress and mind chatter. The pace of modern life has too many of us uptight and contracted with the daily demands of increased productivity and off-the-charts performance. I like to pose the question: “Where are we headed, and why are we in such a hurry?”

A group with Deep Nature Journeys

A Deep Nature Journey offers an opportunity to push the pause button on the frenetic pace of modernity. Your experience and view of the world will surely change. Spending alone time in nature represents a tremendous gift to yourself, which unlocks the door to a profound experience of the unification of inner and outer nature with no separation. The wonderful magic and mystery of everything non-human arises to awaken all of your senses. I welcome your participation.

Bud-WilsonBud Wilson has 35 years of experience as a social and environmental entrepreneur, leadership trainer, educator, business, non-profit, and community leader. Bud is a steadfast advocate for principles of deep ecology. He believes that regenerative human behavior is the next essential step for humanity. To learn more, please visit http://www.DeepNatureJourneys.com or find them on Facebook.

All images courtesy of Bud Wilson.

Meditation for Beginners

meditation-for-beginners

Meditation is a commonly suggested practice to develop mindfulness, but the way it is taught can create an unnecessary challenge for beginners.

Suggestions like, “silence your mind for 20-30 minutes per day,” throw beginners into the deep end. While this advice could work for someone who already meditates regularly, for someone who doesn’t, 20-30 minutes of meditation likely sounds intimidating and “[silencing] your mind” virtually impossible.

Therefore, today I’m going to share easy tips for absolute beginners to get started with meditation. But, first, I want to define meditation and talk a bit about its benefits—in case you’re so new to the concept that you’re not even sure what meditation is and why you should bother.

According to the Free Medical Dictionary: Meditation is a practice of concentrated focus upon a sound, object, visualization, the breath, movement, or attention itself in order to increase awareness of the present moment, reduce stress, promote relaxation, and enhance personal and spiritual growth.

Meditation has been practiced across various cultures for thousands of years. Since researchers began studying its effects in the 1960s, meditation has been found to increase quality of life and improve health outcomes in such areas as blood pressure, anxiety and depression, and pain management.

Meditation for Beginners: 7 Tips

  • Just breathe. Wherever you are, close your eyes and breathe slowly. Don’t try to control your breath but do focus on it. If it helps you to remain focused, label your actions such as “in” as you draw air into your lungs and “out” as you exhale.
  • Relax. Let go of any stress or expectations you have about meditation. If any other thoughts come to mind as you’re breathing, allow them to pass by and simply return to your breath without criticizing yourself. Hey, you’re a beginner!
  • Count. If “in” and “out” don’t do it for you, try counting instead. Count to seven during each of the following actions: Breathing in, pausing, breathing out, pausing again.
  • Let go of time. The act of meditating is more important than the length of time you do it right now. Let go of the need to meditate for 15 minutes or 20 minutes or even 5 minutes. Allow yourself to start slowly.
  • Listen to a peaceful song. If focusing on your breath proves to be a struggle, try putting on a soothing instrumental tune and listening. Focus on each note as you hear it. When the song finishes, you’re finished with your meditation for the day. Hooray!
  • Experiment. There are many ways to meditate: standing, sitting, walking, jogging, lying down, by focusing on an object, or with closed eyes as I suggested above. Try different methods with an open mind and a beginner’s attitude. There is no right way; there is only the way that works best for you.
  • Try a guided meditation. If you feel confused about the process, seek help. Try a guided meditation from UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center, The Chopra Center, Tara Brach, or Audio Dharma, or read additional meditation suggestions from Gaiam.

Which of these suggestions did you find most helpful? If you’re more experienced with meditation, do you have any other suggestions for beginners?

Cheers,

Kate Watson

Photo Credit: RelaxingMusic via Compfight cc

How to Create a Mindful Marriage

A few weeks back, I wrote about being in a mindful place right now. By necessity, I’m learning to stay present and honor my feelings in ways I haven’t done before. Apparently I’m not the only one.

In an interview for InStyle magazine last month, Jennifer Garner said that she and her husband are “in a very mindful place,” regarding their nine-year marriage. She said they’re “making an effort to be together, do things at the same time, and be loving.” With nine years under our belt as well, Mr. Watson and I are on the same page.

Having a mindful marriage implies a certain deliberateness of action, a choice to remain present and accountable to each other as you move beyond the giddy attraction of the early years and deeper into real life and its distractions.

How did this new mindset come about for us? A change in circumstances.

Photo by yours truly featuring two of my beautiful photography clients, who now run their own wedding videography business: Lovell Productions

Photo by yours truly featuring two of my beautiful photography clients, who now run their own wedding videography business: Lovell Productions

Our Story

Brian and I have shared challenging times before, but those were typically situations that united us against a common enemy, such as the lawsuit my business faced in 2007. But when we moved back to Silicon Valley in 2011, fundamental aspects of our life together changed.

Brian’s job hunt came down to two offers—Google vs. an early stage startup. Because he’s always been so supportive of my career decisions, I told Brian to choose whichever he wished regardless of salary or my opinion (which I didn’t even share with him). He chose the harder route: lower pay, longer hours, and the dream of a financial payout that could set us free long term. In other words, the startup.

With his decision came 80+ hour work weeks and the need for me to step up at home so that he could focus on his job. We didn’t realize it at the time but, with that decision, we were creating a shift in our marriage from dual earners to a single breadwinner and support team.

It was an unexpectedly difficult change. After working from home together for years and then traveling full-time, I was accustomed to having Brian around. We became disconnected. He was more stressed and less available, and I wanted things back the way they’d always been. We began to disagree on big life decisions. And, once, I leveled an ultimatum that he either resign or change his ways.

When you disagree on something so fundamental to your life together, you can begin to feel hopeless to resolve it and shut down. The communication strategies we’d cultivated over 12 years stopped working. We realized that we needed to change the way we were showing up in our marriage.

We completed an exercise: We decided to ask one thing of each other that we believed would make our lives better, and then we’d offer one thing toward the same end.

Brian offered to meditate daily, to help calm the stress he so often brought home with him. He asked me to practice gratitude more. (I had lost the thread somewhere in the daily stresses of life.)

In turn, I offered to do more work with my affirmations, to keep my inner monologue more positive, and I asked Brian to be more present when he was home, to spend quality time with me instead of staring into space, speccing out software designs or watching space shows.

6 Tips for Creating a Mindful Marriage

Over time, we developed six simple guidelines to create our new mindful marriage. We agreed to:

  1. Schedule quality time together.
  2. Stay present in mind when we’re present in body.
  3. Meet each other where we are and manage our expectations of each other. Some days are more stressful than others; we needed to accept that, and to ebb and flow with the changes in our situation.
  4. Listen and mirror back what we’re hearing from each other. When we’re having a discussion, it’s helpful to repeat back what the other is saying so we truly understand. This keeps us from jumping to conclusions and ensures we stay on the same page.
  5. Make a conscious effort to share our feelings. We can’t help each other if we don’t know how the other is truly feeling. (This is a big one for Brian and probably most of you guys out there.)
  6. Focus on what is going right in our lives—and what we agree on—instead of what isn’t perfect just yet.

It’s been about three months since we made our agreements and things are going really well. As with all marriages, we’re not perfect, but we’ve been able to let go of our mutual frustrations and return to gratitude for our many blessings.

We’re deep into this new mindful phase of our relationship, staying aware of how our thoughts impact our actions. Brian now takes two-day weekends and we maintain one date night a week for quality time. We also spend our time together in new ways, including going for walks, taking weekend road trips, and playing boardgames instead of vegging out in front of the television. And I am actively incorporating both gratitude and affirmations into my morning pages.

What do you think about our tips for creating a more mindful marriage. Did I miss anything? What would you add to the list?

For the remainder of November, I’ll be exploring other ways mindfulness is changing our lives. Stay tuned!

Cheers,

Kate Watson

 

share your truth

Kate Watson - Glad you liked it!

Cassandra Rae - wow! What a great list of mindful agreements. It’s so helpful.

inFocus: I Moved to a Ranch

inFocus: I Moved to a Ranch

Today’s inFocus interview is with Erin McGee. Erin and her husband, Dave, left behind the hustle and bustle of Silicon Valley and moved to a ranch on California’s peaceful Central Coast two years ago. What I love about her story is how she’s moved—literally and figuratively—from a place where she felt stressed and not herself to a place of burgeoning authenticity. I can’t wait to see where she goes next! Here is what she had to say:

This August I turned 40 and deemed it “The Year of Erin!” I have taken up horseback riding and am hoping to eventually do Ranch Sorting competitions. I take Pilates, dance classes, and yoga. Basically, if something sparks my interest I find a way to take a class or explore it. I am finding myself too. I have gotten braver to do what I choose to do instead of feeling like I have to do things. 

Erin, what prompted your move? How did you choose the location?

It was probably 3 years into owning my knitting and sewing store that I started to feel restless. I just had this nagging feeling that I wasn’t where I really was meant to be. The only times I felt “at home” were within the walls of my store.

We owned a beautiful house in Sunnyvale and I kept redecorating it, but it just wasn’t “me.” It had been my husband’s house when we met and married. I moved in and gave away all of my furniture because it didn’t match the mid-century modern decor. The floor to ceiling windows looked into a fence. A pool took up the entire backyard. It just wasn’t my style and I wanted to pick something out together.

I felt like we had skipped one of the most important parts of being newlyweds…choosing a space that made us both happy. Design is very important to both of us, but we have very different styles. Dave is more of a minimalist, retro guy and I am more of a country, vintage girl. Both styles are rooted in history, but there’s retro (think Mad Men) and vintage (think rusty crap).

The neighborhood was also very unlike me. I am either a city dweller or a country girl, but not a suburbs person. Dave LOVED living on a culdesac with kids playing in the street and the familiarity of what he had grown up with…that typical Leave it to Beaver neighborhood. I despised it. I loved my neighbors, don’t get me wrong, but when I want to be alone, best to leave me be. I can go for days without seeing a soul and be a happy camper, and when I want people around I don’t mind searching them out. I just never felt like I could relax. I felt trapped.

Career wise, things weren’t going so great for either of us. Dave was lighting the world on fire at the medical device company he had worked 15+ years for, but he was burned out. Years of travel and big business will do that to a person.

As much as I denied it, I felt trapped by my store. Financially it was going down in flames and as much as I tried I couldn’t get it uprighted. I was stuck in a 5 year lease and I possess an annoying “I’m gonna make this work even if it kills me” attitude. It was killing me…inside I felt like I was being less and less authentic every day as I kibbitzed with customers and pretended everything was fine.

And then it happened, Dave discovered winemaking. Well, really, it was more of my idea when I said something like “hey, I wonder if UC Davis offers an Extension Program winemaking course or something?” I really just wanted to see him do something creative with his downtime and we both like to drink wine, so it was somewhat self serving. He looked into it and sure enough UC Davis has a great winemaking course that you can go through completely online! So, Dave signed up for the classes and started making wine in our Sunnyvale garage. I likened it to Microsoft meets Mondavi.

Well, he really enjoyed the course and probably was at it for about a year when I started bringing up the possibility of getting a little vacation house on the coast in Cambria. We had thought about buying or building a little getaway place before, in or around a wine country setting, but never pulled the trigger. After talking about it, looking on Zillow, and doing tons of research we made a pilgrimage to Cambria to go vacation house hunting.

We met a really nice realtor in the process who totally “got” us. She toodled us around all over Cambria and we looked at a bunch of places and then we went home…back to Sunnyvale…back to Suburbia. Everything just seemed a little less rosy when we got home and we shelved the vacation house talk. Dave worked his day job, made wine, worked on the UC Davis course, and I worked at saving my store. Life went back to normal.

6 months later we called that same realtor and asked if she would consider showing us properties in Paso Robles.. Our plans had “evolved.” She said “no problem” and we met her in Paso. We trucked all over Paso Robles, Atascadero, and Creston. We saw everything from a farm with 300+ acres of land owned by a farmer with a penchant for taxidermy animals and toy John Deere tractors to an authentic 80’s house where miles of powder blue carpeting had been laid to rest. We spent a full day hitting one wine country house after another.

The next day we were on our own and we took a drive out in a direction we hadn’t gone before. We drove and chatted about the houses we’d seen, resolving that none of them were “us.” We came around a corner and up on the hill we spotted a Southwest style house overlooking vineyard studded land…and it had a FOR SALE sign!

What? I didn’t see this one on Zillow? We tried to look up the address and the listing agent’s website, but came up empty. We called our realtor and asked her to look into it for us. We were leaving the next day and would be bummed if we couldn’t at least take a peek! She called us back and reported it had been on the market, had been removed, and it was being listed with a new agent…TOMORROW! Could we stay and see it before we went home?

The next day, Dave and I drove up the long pepper tree dotted driveway. That was all it took. It was PERFECT! Well, it was completely impractical for 2 people without children, black gardening thumbs, and potentially no jobs. What were we going to do with over 4,000 square feet of house and 20 acres of unplanted land? We’re not farmers! Would we grow grapes? What would we do about our jobs? What about the store? How far away is the closest Whole Foods?

For this house and this land, we would make it work.

Do you still do the same work you did before or are you doing something new?

We haven’t planted a vineyard on the Ranch. We haven’t started a winery. Dave worked remotely for his previous job as a consultant for the first year we were here. When that ended he reinvented himself as a small winery business consultant and eventually we bought into an existing winery. That winery venture was a success and we’ve moved along. It’s great to see Dave finding himself as he navigates new possibilities and how fluid he’s become. It makes me extremely proud to see the changes in him. This move really pushed him out of his comfort zone and he’s gotten really brave.

I have dabbled since moving here. I’ve done a little interior design. I’ve taken some online classes. I volunteered for a while at the library. This August I turned 40 and deemed it “The Year of Erin!” I have taken up horseback riding and am hoping to eventually do Ranch Sorting competitions. I take Pilates, dance classes, and yoga. Basically, if something sparks my interest I find a way to take a class or explore it. I am finding myself too. I have gotten braver to do what I choose instead to do instead of feeling like I have to do things.

Erin and her chickens, the Gilmore Girls

Erin and her chickens, the Gilmore Girls

What’s ranch life like? What do you love/not so love?

Peaceful. I love waking up to a quiet house. There are no sirens, very few airplanes, no neighbors (other than 12 horses who live in the pasture next door), and really nothing, but lovely birdsongs and fresh air. City friends who have visited don’t understand how we can live so far from civilization until they spend the night here. When they wake up to a picturesque view and serenity, then they’ll say “oooohhhh, now I get it.”

Our days are full…surprisingly full. I like taking care of my home and my little family. We have 2 dogs, 2 cats, and 5 chickens. They all require feeding, love, and care. I like feeding my husband too. That’s one thing that has entirely changed for the better…we eat 3 homemade/home cooked meals a day! When I lived in the Bay Area it would be nothing to grab Starbuck’s in the morning on the way to the shop, lunch at the cafe nearby, and pick up pizza on the way home. I was just always so tired to cook. Which, for me, is a huge part of who I am! I love to cook! I love food, family, and friends… and even better with some wine thrown in!

Dave is still making wine in the garage, but now he has a much bigger garage to do it in. We have grapes that line the fence which Dave grafted over from table grapes to wine grapes, so he plays with that or he buys grapes from other wineries. He takes his 1965 Ford Truck, Bessie, to Lowe’s and always meets a local who plays the “what year is that truck” game with him. I joke that he takes Bessie to Lowe’s just to show her off.

We live a half hour drive away from “town.” I’ve gotten used to it and actually relish the drive. I like to check out the goats, horses, and other animals. There is definitely a seasonality of animals here. Horses are a constant, but goats tend to arrive in the Spring and disappear in the late Summer after the Mid-State Fair. Every kid is a 4-H kid and their animal “projects” pepper the landscapes of their front yards. The “commute” makes my day’s plan more fun because I like to cram in as much town time as I can only to come home to the peace of the Ranch.

The only thing I would say that I miss? Shopping. We don’t have department stores like Macy’s or Nordstrom here, so trying to buy furniture or clothes is a challenge. I do a lot of online shopping now and that’s a drag because I’d like to support locally. I try to shop at the local stores, but they are limited in what they offer unless you are going to live in Ranch gear and cowboy boots 24/7.

Erin and their newest addition, Dixie

Erin and their newest addition, Dixie, a rescue dog who is recovering from distemper.

Has anything surprised you since moving?

I don’t miss the Bay Area traffic one bit. When I go up there now, I feel my shoulders tense as I pass through Gilroy and they don’t release until I hit Prunedale on the way back. I used to love the crazy drivers of the Bay Area because I was one of them! Now, I drive like an old lady and set the cruise control exactly 3 mph past the speed limit while I cruise in the slow lane. Country livin’ has aged my driving skills.

I never would have thought I’d buy sparkly butt pocket cowgirl jeans and think of myself as “fashionable.” No one gets dressed up here, unless it’s Fair time and then you will see every incarnation of cowgirl you can imagine. I’ve had a difficult time adjusting and I am not one to give up and just go au naturale. Hell, I still get up everyday and do my hair and put on makeup even if I am not leaving the house!

Of course I had to be reassured that my sparkly butt pocket cowgirl jeans were age appropriate, so I texted a picture to the gals I take riding lessons from who are 24 years old. They said I could rock them! The jury is still out how rockin’ I look, but I am embracing my new style.

I have been surprised at how settled in and content we have become in the 2+ years we’ve lived here. In the Bay Area we rarely saw each other and here we are together sometimes 24 hours a day. The good news is Dave’s office is at one end of the house and mine is at the other. We can see or not see each other as much as we like now.

To follow more of Erin’s adventures, check out her new blog: McGee Family Ranch.  It “documents our little family’s journey into country life” complete with “yummy gluten free cooking recipes, city girl turned farm girl fashion tips, animal husbandry advice, and a peek into our life on the Ranch.” 

Do you have a real life adventure you’d like to share? Click the “contact” button in the menu and send me a note!

Cheers,

Kate Watson