Lessons from my burnout as a photographer

I contemplated telling you my personal burnout story, but I abandoned the idea for two reasons:

  1. It spans years, and you would no doubt become bored before getting to the important stuff, and
  2. It still brings up some negative emotions for me that I would rather pretend I’ve moved past. 😉

So, instead, I’m going to spare you the sordid details and head right for the important stuff: What I learned, and how it could help you.

  • Trying to be what others want you to be is the quickest route to burnout. Just as I was starting my business, a photographer friend told me that the way I wanted to shoot wouldn’t sell because it’s not what clients want. I understand that she was giving the best advice she could based on her own life and business experiences but — and there’s no real way to sugarcoat this — she was wrong. My best client experiences have involved working with people who wanted me to shoot exactly the way I wanted to. Furthermore, those folks remain my biggest fans to this day. Clients who will love you for who you are and what you bring to the market are not only out there, but they’ll value your work more than those you water down your message to attract.
  • Playing to your strengths will make you a lot happier, in life and in business. And, by strengths, I mean what makes you feel strong and internally motivated, not just what you happen to be good at. When I moved to the San Francisco Bay area, folks convinced me that networking was the best way to get my message in front of potential clients. In all truth, I found the process to be painful (because I’m a diehard introvert) and rather ineffective (probably because I hated it). Most of my favorite wedding clients came from advertising. Go figure, right? Traditional advertising still didn’t pay for itself, but it was a better fit for me at the time.
  • Decide the value of something before fighting over it. A competitor and former mentor sued me in 2007. Although my attorney asked me the value of the issues before we countersued — in order to decide if the fight was worth it — we easily crept past that initial estimate. It can be difficult to keep a clear head during a long legal slog so, before you start lobbing counterfire, consider the value of an issue and whether it’s worth giving in to preserve your sanity and capital. Along that same line, I’ve generally found that it’s better to be happy than “right.”
  • You can’t control other people’s actions or opinions, so don’t bother stressing about either. Some people may lie to you or hide the truth from you, others may talk about you behind your back. For your own sanity and happiness, it’s best to assume that they’re doing the best they can, given the knowledge, understanding and awareness they have at the time and, as my friend Ashley advised me long ago, “avoid becoming embittered by it.”
  • The closer you are to burnout, the more likely you are to lose sight of strategy. You’ll ask yourself, “What can I do right now to save my sanity or my business?” Well, the smartest thing — and the hardest one to remember — is to take a step back and to make sure your goals are setting your strategy, and your strategy is guiding your choice of tactics. Your gut probably isn’t serving you that well by that time, and it will tell you to grasp at whatever seems novel and easy.

So, there you have it: the lessons I learned from my burnout as a wedding and portrait photographer. I truly hope you never lose passion for the work you love, but if you ever start to, I hope my experience will help you avoid some of the pain.

Cheers,

share your truth

Business Success, Part 5 – On Instincts & First Impressions » KateWatson.net - […] part of the reason I’m no longer a photographer. For more lessons from my burnout, check out this post. But, for now, let’s move on to more secrets of my […]

Are you sharing or blocking your expression?

Martha_Graham_by_Barbara_Morgan_1940

A little inspiration from the world of dance today:

There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and there is only one of you in all time. This expression is unique, and if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium; and be lost. The world will not have it.

It is not your business to determine how good it is, nor how it compares with other expression. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open.

No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.

— Martha Graham to Agnes DeMille, in Dance to the Piper

More info about dance photographer Barbara Morgan and the above photo here.

Cheers,
Kate

Holland Family: Beach Portrait Session

Meredith & Julian were one of my wedding couples way back in 2007. When I heard they were going to be passing through town on vacation, I jumped at the chance to work with them again. Here are some of my favorites from our beach portrait session:

Cheers,

Personal accountability, a quote

I just finished reading Josh Kaufman’s The Personal MBA: Master the Art of Business and wanted to share some inspiration with you. The quote below is from B.C. Forbes, founder of Forbes magazine. I think it’s a good reminder for all of us:

Your success depends on you.
Your happiness depends on you.
You have to steer your own course.
You have to shape your own fortune.
You have to educate yourself.
You have to do your own thinking.
You have to live with your own conscience.
Your mind is yours and can be used only by you.
You come into this world alone.
You go to the grave alone.
You are alone with your inner thoughts during the journey between.
You make your own decisions.
You must abide by the consequences of your acts…
You alone can regulate your habits and make or unmake your health. You alone can assimilate things mental and things material…
You have to do your own assimilation all through life.
You can be taught by a teacher, but you have to imbibe the knowledge. He cannot transfuse it into your brain.
You alone can control your mind cells and your brain cells.
You may have spread before you the wisdom of the ages, but unless you assimilate it you derive no benefit from it; no one can force it into your cranium.
You alone can move your own legs.
You alone can move your own arms.
You alone can utilize your own hands.
You alone can control your own muscles.
You must stand on your feet, physically and metaphorically.
You must take your own steps.
Your parents cannot enter into your skin, take control of your mental and physical machinery, and make something of you.
You cannot fight your son’s battles; that he must do for himself.
You have to be captain of your own destiny.
You have to see through your own eyes.
You have to use your own ears.
You have to master your own faculties.
You have to solve your own problems.
You have to form your own ideals.
You have to create your own ideas.
You must choose your own speech.
You must govern your own tongue.
Your real life is your thoughts.
Your thoughts are your own making.
Your character is your own handiwork.
You alone can select the materials that go into it.
You alone can reject what is not fit to go into it.
You are the creator of your own personality.
You can be disgraced by no man’s hand but your own.
You can be elevated and sustained by no man but yourself.
You have to write your own record.
You have to build your own monument — or dig your own pit.
Which are you doing?”

I live my life by this philosophy, although I read this particular quote for the first time only a few days ago. The more I read and the more I learn about life, the more this issue of personal accountability comes up.

After a lifetime of feeling like life happened to me, I began to take full responsibility for my circumstances in my late 20s. Of course, I initially emphasized the bad and basically blamed myself all of the time. More recently, I’ve realized that when I’m suffering or in a bad place, that is the punishment. Duh, right? There’s no need to punish myself further because I brought bad things into my life. That’s just asking for more of the same. And so my new mental pattern in adverse circumstances is: It is what it is. This too shall pass. And I’m actively cultivating an attitude of gratitude for the good things that show up, something that I used to just ignore.

What are your thoughts on Mr. Forbes’ quote, or personal accountability in general?

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How we create our own reality

To quote Oprah, today I’m going to talk about something that “I know for sure”: Each of us creates our own reality.

Bad stuff going on in your life? You are responsible. Good stuff happening? Pat yourself on the back because you brought that into your life, too. Living with constant ups and downs? You must like the drama, huh? I know that, for some folks, this will be a wildly unpopular idea. Heck, I used to think that life just happened to me, too. But that’s just not true. We create, through our decisions, intentions and attention, our own life experiences.

Decisions

Your day-to-day situation is a result of your decisions. Your decisions dictate your life’s course.

Having financial trouble? Look at your spending habits. Do you spend, spend, spend when you have a little extra, or do you save for a rainy day? A feast or famine lifestyle doesn’t serve you and isn’t necessary. Neither is living paycheck to paycheck for most people. If you can’t afford something, don’t buy it.

In danger of losing your home because you took out a no-interest or adjustable rate mortgage? Why did you purchase a house you couldn’t really afford? That decision wasn’t the bank’s; it was yours.

Unhappy in your relationship or envious of someone else’s so-called “perfect life”? You are choosing to stay in your situation each and every day, and the way you handle that situation is dictating your life experiences. Your spouse may be a jerk but you’re choosing to engage, whether it’s through bickering, arguing or full-on assault. If you chose instead to allow, detach, or—in extreme cases—move on, you wouldn’t be in that situation.

Always getting sick or have a scary medical diagnosis? Most of the time, not always, but most of the time, your choices led to that situation. Eating the wrong things, eating too much, worrying yourself sick, living with too much stress, all of these things can be changed, and when they are, your situation will change.

Yes, occasionally surprises happen: a car accident, an IRS audit or a natural disaster, for example. In these times, you still control your reality by choosing how you’ll respond to the situation. Freaking out? You’re welcoming more stress into your life. Feeling sorry for yourself? You’re inviting more sadness. Don’t believe me? Well, let’s look at how intentions and attention shape your world.

Intentions

Intentions are the beliefs and feelings you send out into the world. They set the tone for your interpersonal interactions. I believe in the Law of Attraction, but you don’t have to in order to understand how your intentions shape the world in which you operate.

Here’s an example: If you hate your coworkers or clients and don’t want to work with them anymore—even if you do your best to hide it—they will be able to tell (if just on a gut instinct/subconscious level). We live our beliefs.

If you intentionally lie, cheat or steal, believing that what someone else doesn’t know won’t hurt them, or that you need something more than another person does, you are creating a world where lying, cheating and stealing are okay. Don’t be surprised when people do the same to you!

Intention also ties into attention: If you believe that people of another race, sexual orientation or religion are evil or dangerous, you will seek out and pay attention to examples that support your belief, while ignoring evidence to the contrary. This tendency is called confirmation bias.

Attention

What you choose to notice, that is, where you put your attention, sets your daily emotional state.

Ever noticed that, when you’re having a bad day, everything seems to be going wrong? That’s your attention at work. You may be having a great day until you trip on your way to work and spill your coffee. Then everything spirals out of control, right? You notice you’re late, that a baby on the subway is crying, that your seat mate is coughing and getting germs everywhere… Because you’re focused on the negative, you ignore the kind person who held the door for you, the smile and wave your neighbor sent you, the extra change you found in your pocket.

The reverse can also be true, but I’ve found that in western societies we tend to emphasize the negative, both in our conversations and our thoughts. Ever listened to older family members talk about who died, who’s sick and what ails them? Then you know what I mean.

The good news about our attention, intentions and decisions setting the course or our lives is that we’re in control. Don’t you feel better just knowing that? We’re not victims; we’re the masters of our fate. So, choose wisely. You’ll be a lot happier for it.

What have your decisions, intentions and attentions brought into your life recently?

Cheers,

share your truth

Kate - Many people, among them Albert Einstein, have indicated that our perceptions are our reality.

Brian - Frank, I can’t comment on how this relates to your particular case, anymore than I can comment on how climate change relates to a specific storm. Sure some of what Kate is talking about is perception of reality, rather than an Objectivist notion of reality that exists independently of consciousness, but there is a connection between today’s perception and tomorrow’s experience with reality. How I perceive things influences the multitude of micro-decisions that I make throughout each and every day, many of which are subconscious, which in turn influences those aspects of reality that I experience in the future.

For example, I used to be 40+ pounds overweight and began experiencing the physical ailments that go along with carrying that extra weight (sore back, high cholesterol, knee and ankle pain). I did not fix that problem by wishing the weight away, but neither did I do it by sheer force of will to maintain a rigorous schedule of exercise and dieting. Instead I achieved it by setting an intention to be healthier, and gradually shifting my attention away from what I was giving up, and toward what I was gaining. In turn, I found it easier and eventually more desirable to make healthy food choices and to go for a run a few times a week. I used to crave three or more cans of soda per day, and now I could care less if I ever have another for the rest of my life. I used to think that exercise was a chore, and now I think that something is missing if I haven’t done it recently. I’ve had a normal BMI and cholesterol now for more than two years, so these perceptual shifts have certainly changed my reality.

Frank Mayhar - As a person with colon cancer almost certainly indirectly caused by genetics, I call bullshit. It’s a long way from “stuff we pay attention to” to “creating reality.” What you’re describing is perception, not reality. We can change our perceptions, but we can’t change reality.

(This is also really setting off my meaninglessly-redefined-buzzword alarm.)