It’s the month of Valentines. The winter holidays have come and gone, New Year’s resolutions may already be history, but love is in the air. Isn’t it time to love yourself as much as you do others?
I hated my body for much of my life. From a young age, I understood that I’d inherited the “thunder thighs” my Mom complained of having. As for my peers, it didn’t take a rocket scientist to see that my body shape would never match their thin, coltish frames.
Over the years, regular ballet classes increased my musculature and my hips and bust expanded to create a solid, hourglass frame. Unfortunately, these changes drew only negative attention. Men too old for me wanted to chat and boys my own age thought I was fat.
Truth be told, I agreed with the latter and was unsurprised when the school heartthrob started “moo”ing at me and making earth-shaking noises as I walked by in middle school. Yes, like a Godzilla-sized heifer. Nice, right?
Back in those days it was clear that I didn’t meet the standard of female beauty. As I looked around, I saw sleek physiques, graceful curves, and perky, petite breasts. Magazines with their images of airbrushed perfection certainly didn’t help matters.
Well, as we all know now and I learned firsthand working briefly as an assistant in Hollywood, stars are often retouched beyond recognition. It was quite the eye opener to see before-and-after photos with red mark-ups like “fix under eye circles,” “slim thighs,” and “cellulite!!!” That was in the early 2000s before everyone started talking about Photoshop fails.
Still, being sturdy in L.A., land of pocket-sized waifs, didn’t do anything for my self-esteem. I remained self-conscious about my body throughout my 20s. My happiest point during that period came after ending a six-year relationship when I visited the gym almost daily for the endorphin rush and slimmed down to a size 8.
Then, one day, I decided I wasn’t competing anymore. What others thought about my appearance no longer mattered. I had to accept the facts: I would never be a 5’2″, 100-pound starlet and, frankly, I didn’t aspire to be. Secretly, I’d always wished to be 5’10”, but that wasn’t in the cards either. I was stuck with what my mama gave me and I could either learn to live with it or continue castigating myself.
Since then, I’ve done a lot of work to repair my self-esteem. I started reading books by Louise Hay to learn to love myself as I am, body and all. I began consciously listening to praise to counteract the criticism so ingrained in my mind. And I stopped obsessively looking in the mirror for flaws. This is the appearance I have in this lifetime. I can tweak it through diet and exercise, or make-up, but there are some things I must accept:
My weight may never go below 160 pounds again. I’m a solid size 10, edging into a 12 at times. And my husband’s idea of praising my form is (of course!) to call it sturdy, which is apparently a desirable trait to someone who is 6’4″, 200 pounds, and accustomed to squashing womankind’s delicate flowers.
All of that is fine by me.
If you still have work to do on body love:
- Remember: You are one of a kind, made from the same magnificent materials as stardust, oceans, and skyscrapers—and equal to all other beings on this planet.
- Try some mirror work. Louise Hay suggests that you look at yourself in the mirror each day, call yourself by name, and say, “I love you.” Sure it feels ridiculous but if it helps, it helps.
- Train your eye to look for your beauty instead of your flaws, and revise your inner monologue. When you hear yourself thinking something like, “I’m so fat, look at those arms,” find something to praise about yourself instead. How about: “Yeah, but my hair is awesome.” — or — “I look hot in this dress.” — or — “I love my feet. They’re a perfect size [whatever].”
- Close your eyes and touch yourself. Ok, get your mind out of the gutter, people. Close your eyes and touch your arms, your thighs, your belly. Feel how warm and smooth you are. Let your hands appreciate your beauty until your eyes can get with the program.
- Steal some positivity from Meghan Trainor and sing, “Every inch of you is perfect, from the bottom to the top,” preferably while dancing in front of the mirror. Naked.
What are your body love secrets? Do you have any to add to mine?
Cheers,
Photo Credit: Drab Makyo via Compfight cc
