The theme for June was supposed to be self-exploration, but what keeps popping up for me instead is expectations. I’ve written about letting go of others’ expectations and when you can’t meet your own big expectations, but what about the tiny, everyday expectations we bring to our experiences and interactions? Let me give you an example.
On our first morning in Hawaii, I awakened at the crack of dawn. We didn’t have much to eat on hand and I was ravenous for a hot breakfast. I researched the options and was anxiously waiting for Brian to awaken so we could head to a local place with cheap prices and huge servings. But Brian kept on sleeping past 7am, 8am, 9am, even 10am. My inner monologue was very opinionated on the subject:
We’re on vacation. We should be out having fun, trying new things, eating out. Is he going to sleep in like this every day? We have a lot to do in preparation for our anniversary on Thursday; when are we going to get it done?
Clearly I had a lot of expectations about vacation, our schedule, and what Brian should be doing. We all have these kinds of thoughts, don’t we? Expectations about our mate and his/her actions, our jobs, our interpersonal experiences, how our day will pan out.
The problem with all of these is in the judgment, which became clear when I wrote “we should…” and then “Brian should…” Should is a bad word in my world. I’ve written about how I address shoulding myself and how I try not to should upon others. But I’m not perfect. And because Brian is the closest person to me, I often formulate expectations about his behavior regardless of whether they’re necessary or helpful.
Eventually I remembered: It’s vacation! It doesn’t have to be anything. Our agreed-upon goals for vacation were to celebrate our 10th anniversary and to relax, not to race around the Big Island seeing and doing everything or eating at every new place imaginable. So we were already meeting our expectations.
And even if we weren’t, what was the point of stressing out about what I could be doing instead of appreciating the moment I was already experiencing? I let go of the idea of hitting Hawaii Style Cafe and grabbed a granola bar instead.
As my hunger demon satiated, I realized that before me was a beautiful, 180-degree view from the telescopes on Mauna Kea to the white caps of the Pacific. The morning was sunny and clear, transitioning from the cool of dawn to the warmth of midday, birds were singing, nature was humming, everything was perfect in that moment. I grew accepting that the day would unfold as it would. And this month of June will unfold as it will, too, regardless of what my editorial calendar may say.
For more about expectations, head over to Shirin Shoai’s story of an unexpected Sunday at Stern Grove or Danielle Laporte’s take on the value and panic-inducing difficulty of letting go. Or for a deeper dive, check out Phillip Moffitt’s post, The Tyranny of Expectations.
I hope you enjoyed this post. If you did, please like it, share it, or let me know.
Cheers,
