A few years ago, I wrote a post about setting boundaries. The premise was that, as a small business owner, you have to decide your limits and enforce them because no one will do it for you.
This fall, I’ve been experiencing a new lesson in boundaries of the self-care variety. What I’m learning is that people’s wishes have no limits, and that—if you allow it—they will take all of your available time and energy (and then some!). Only you have the ability to control that.
Before we get too far, let me say that I’m a people pleaser. Despite having a generally ornery personality, I’m terrible at saying no. Doing so makes me anxious and uncomfortable, and I stress myself out far more than is necessary preparing to say no. However, trying to be and do what others wanted me to—and stressing myself out when I couldn’t—is what made me sick.
I pushed my adrenals to their limit and they abdicated their responsibility. I now have adrenal fatigue coupled with hypothyroidism on top of a lifelong tendency toward anemia. All fairly minor issues on their own, but when combined result in: Crushing fatigue. Can-barely-get-out-of-bed-some-days fatigue.
As a result, now I’m having to learn to honor my own needs and to set boundaries regardless of how uncomfortable it makes me.
When I realized that I had to start saying no to people, I was terrified. I thought that, if I disappointed my friends, they wouldn’t like me anymore. I also feared missing out on all the fun.
I had to start small, with emails and text messages. I had to write down ways to say no nicely, such as “I just can’t commit to anything new because of my energy level but, if things change, I’ll let you know,” so that I’d be prepared when the moment struck.
This is all a good lesson though because setting boundaries is a basic premise of self-care. We all have to come to terms with what we can do and how to say no when we can’t take on one more thing. I think this is a crucial lesson during the holidays, when personal obligations can combine with work obligations to create a perfect storm of external focus.
So, this month we’re covering all things self-care. Next week, I’ll provide a list of simple ways to care for yourself during the holidays and all year long but, for now, I’ll share some wisdom on setting personal boundaries from people further along in this process than I am:
- Britt Bolnick on How to Set Healthy Boundaries: 3 Crucial First Steps
- Over on Mind Body Green, Vanessa Loder shares How To Set Boundaries Without Being Mean
- 10 Ways to Build and Preserve Better Boundaries, by Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S.
- Elizabeth Scott, M.S. shares how to Say No to People Making Demands on Your Time
- And, when you need a specific turn of phrase to decline a request, check out Amanda Hinnant’s 10 Guilt-Free Strategies for Saying No
Cheers, my lovelies,
Photo Credit: Alberto Carrasco Casado via Compfight cc
